Wednesday, 17 October 2012

I'm not so metro sexual after all

Well what a shock result on the Great British Bake final. John won... who would have thought it... least of all him it seems because, like Ryan, John always seems genuinely surprised when the judges heap praise upon him. But the first class law graduate with a passion for patisserie came through in the end. Yes in an explosion of metrodsexuality we witnessed the first ever all male final in this titanic clash of the cake cremators. Even though it was the equivalent of a cookery stag party emotions ran high. Brenden had a weepy moment, John looked set to explode with the tension, but James just grinned through it all, employing his usual tactic of winging it. I have to say that myself and a number of other Bake Off fans had tipped James to win, but his five United Kingdom cakes were just one busking project too many and John took the prize. Again the producers had completely failed to see the event of an all male final as large bunches of flowers were handed out, but hey, it's the 21st century and real men can now show their feminine side. I do however find it disappointing that GBBO doesn't have a trophy. I'd like to see the winner presented with a giant metal doughnut, a sort of homage to Henry Moore, but I digress. The point is why am I such a fan of The Bake Off? My near obsession was highlighted this week when Grisel arranged tickets for some great concerts at the South Bank. Normally I'd be quite happy to go, but the Sunday one clashed with the Strictly Come Dancing Results show (another obsession, expect a blog), and the Tuesday one, heaven forbid, clashed with the Bake Off Final. I went along grudgingly or course, but employed a very strict social media blackout after the concert so that we wouldn't find out the result before watching it on Iplayer the minute we got home. Grisel thought I was joking, but to my shame I was deadly serious so this has got me asking why am I so engrossed in these programs?

I've always considred myself to be very metorsexual like John and the heros of GBBO, I mean I'm into the arts, I've got lots of women friends and I'm not very interested in sport. As a child a remember being taken to see Notts County play as I was supposed to be supporting them. I was not very impressed with the match so I switched my allegiance to Leeds United because they were winning everything. When Leeds had a slump I changed to Liverpool. To make sure I was always backing a winner I decided to simultaneously support Leeds, Liverpool, both Notts teams (where I was living at the time) and occasionally Everton. When it was pointed out to me by a soccer fan that this was not the done thing, and I must choose one team and blindly follow them no matter how shit they became I completely lost interest in the whole thing, and remain disinterested in over paid haircuts kicking a ball to this very day. I'd always assumed that I love Bake Off and Strictly because of my metrosexuality,  but recently I've had a shock revelation, They are just my new adopted sports. It's just another expression of testosterone. I know this because I often hear myself talking about these programs to people who have no interest, and actively seek out those who do. I've started saying things like, "Brendon is a great all rounder, but he's lost form recently, if he bakes the best cake in the final, he'll win." my god, these are sporting platitudes, move over Gary Lineker. In fact I've just found out that I can actually spell Gary Lineker correctly without the help of google. Oh well it seems I'm a real man afterall.

And so my latest sporting hero is John Whaite, winner of The Great British Bake Off. I love his passion. He could be a big shot lawyer, but he just wants to bake and , in my eyes, that makes him something of a bohemian. After every bake he did, he would look at the camera, and with a huge sigh solemnly declare, "Well, what's done, is done". What a catch phrase, it's baking philosophy. .. nice one John.

John with another amazing creation, "What's done is done",
and done very well I think.
When he's not being distracted by reality TV Mike Raffone is the co founder of the production company howhow along with his fiancĂ© Grisel Tarifa. They are opening a new performance club The Royal National Theatre of Fools at clf Art Cafe, Peckham on December 4th.  It will be dedicated to the clown, the absurd and the eccentric. His latest radio script is called Instant Karma. It follows the fortunes of Susanna Lewis Parr, a meditation healer with anger issues. For more info go to

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